Savin' Me
by Hikage101
Summary: Based off the song by Nickelback. Yuki has finally gone too far and Shuichi has seemingly left him for good. What will the novelist go through? Will he win his true love back? EirixShuichi
1. The Mistake

Savin' Me

By: Hikage101

He sighed and took another long drag of the cigarette between long, thin, graceful fingers. The smoke burned his lungs deliciously, but he finally had to let it out in a thin stream from between perfect rose petal lips. He set the cigarette in the ashtray before him to replace it with a beer, which he drank heartily. His glasses lay discarded on the table next to where the can had previously been, his laptop was in the study. He hadn't worked on his latest novel for a month and a half now, ignored all the threatening calls from his editor. Tohma had tried repetitively to get ahold of him, tried to get into the apartment, but Yuki would have nothing to do with him or anyone else. He was out of everything except cigarettes, alcohol, and some leftover pocky. He hadn't been seen or heard from since the day he made the worst mistake of his life; the day he drove Shindou Shuichi away.

_Flashback_

It had started out as one of their typical fights - well, there wasn't much fighting on Shuichi's part, just plenty of whining - with him being severely annoyed by the singer and the singer not really understanding what exactly he'd done wrong. It escalated to a point it never had before, where Shuichi actually stopped whining and began arguing wholeheartedly, then he finally hit his breaking point. He had spun on the kid, abandoning his previous attempt to retreat to his study, and shouted, "Don't you get it?! You're just a toy to me! Something to play with! That's all you've ever been. Now, get out!" Shuichi's eyes had clouded over and he saw more pain than ever before in the boy's eyes before the little one turned and ran, leaving everything he owned there. Yuki knew better; he knew he had been wrong, he knew his brat would come back later, he knew he would apologize then, and he knew he would be forgiven.

Too bad what he knew was completely wrong!

The vocalist didn't come back that night, so the blond figured he'd stayed over his friend Hiro's house and cried it all out to him, and he couldn't blame him; he knew he'd been a jerk. When there was still silence in the afternoon of the next day, he became a little worried, but brushed it off when he remembered the kid still had to work. Night fell and still no sign of his pink-haired lover; now he was truly worried. Had something happened? _No,_ he told himself firmly, _he's still mad is all, probably staying tonight with Hiro, too. I guess I went too far that time._ And that was the end of that.

When two days became three and three led to the end of the week, he was truly worried. He had gotten plenty of work done on his novel - no surprise there - but he missed the fluffball terribly. His days were paranoid, nights were boring, the bed was cold, showers were lonely, he hadn't had a decent meal - even missed helping Shuichi when he hurt himself in the process of cooking - he had no kisses or hugs to cheer him up, he didn't hear "I love you" anymore, and he missed - Buddha forbid! - cuddling. He had tried several times to find him: Hiro had told him he wasn't staying with him and didn't know any more than that, K said he hadn't shown up for work, the young man wouldn't pick up his cell phone, fans didn't know anything, there were no reports on TV, and Tohma wouldn't tell him anything - no doubt under instructions from the missing person. He had even gone out in public, under very heavy disguise, questioning everyone he could. He turned up empty.

The day after his little excursion, a note was posted on the door saying that movers were coming to retrieve Shuichi's stuff, although, of course, it didn't really have his name on it. The movers arrived exactly on time and when he opened the door, they each tipped their hats to him, then began gathering everything of Shuichi's as if they knew what was his; they probably did. Once everything was packed into boxes, they took it out to the moving truck.

"Where are you taking this stuff?" Yuki asked one of the movers as he came back for the last box.

"Why do you want to know?" he replied, suspicious.

"Because your company will be moving the rest of the stuff later and I want to make sure this gets to the right address," he lied easily. The man chuckled and winked at him.

"Sorry, man, under orders not to reveal that information. Especially not to a 'tall blond with irresistable, piercing eyes'. I'm guessing that's you." With that, he left.

"Damn!" the novelist growled, slamming the door shut behind the man. He was getting nowhere with this, and it didn't seem he would anytime soon. He'd just have to hope like hell that he might run into the younger man somewhere.

_End flashback_

So, here he was. Sitting on the couch with a beer in one hand, his lighter in the other, thumb stroking the somewhat faded picture of him and Shuichi at the theme park. Obviously, he hadn't found any trace of his lover, not even a rumor. Tohma was the only one that knew of his whereabouts, he hadn't shown up for work in all the time he was gone, and the author wished more than anything that at least someone else knew where he was, someone that he could threaten or pummel the answer out of. But there wasn't, and he knew it. Tohma was too good for that. One more reason to add to the Why I Hate My Brother-In-Law list.

He had cried countless times over the past month, had left sobbing messages on Shuichi's phone, but never got a reply. He gave up after the third week and totally cut off his communications with the outside world. He lived off the food he had until his resources ran out, then began living on all that was left. He was glad he had stocked up on plenty of beer and cigarettes when Shuichi moved in, knowing he'd be in for hell if he didn't have them. He didn't touch the TV or the radio for fear of hearing the always-hyper boy's voice, seeing his face.

The phone rang for the millionth time since he'd stopped answering and Tohma's voice was heard on the recorder.

"I'm not going to stop calling until you answer, Eiri, you can believe that. If I have to keep you up all night, I will. And when I sleep, my secretary will be calling." He hung up and did just as he promised, calling over and over again, no longer bothering to leave messages, until Yuki was positive he'd go out of his mind if the ringing didn't stop. He knew better than to unplug the phone, that would mean Tohma would call his cell phone. And if he turned that off as well... he didn't even want to think about what would happen next.

Finally, he couldn't stand it any longer and pulled on his diguise, taking off out the door. He decided to go for a long walk to clear his head and maybe find a way to get Tohma out of his hair, without having to talk to him. While he was out, he figured he might as well get a movie or something to keep his attention and some groceries. Shuichi would want strawberry pocky-

Shuichi wasn't there. He set his jaw against the tears that welled up in his eyes, forcing them back as best he could. What was the point? If his Shu-chan wasn't there, what did he have left? His books? His fans? His _family_? Nothing, all of that was worth nothing to him without his little one, and only a little bit even when he was there. _What's the point in living, then?_ he asked himself silently, looking around the town. _If my brat doesn't love me, if he doesn't come back to me, I have no point anymore. At least the press will have fun with me._ He chuckled wryly. _But what am I to do? Die, obviously... but I can't bring myself to do it. At least, not sober. I'm not stopping in any of the bars to get a drink, so I can't die... I can get put away. I could get put away for life!_


	2. The Plan

Yuki unconsciously turned into the first store he came upon, looking around. He froze when he saw an entire section of the store dedicated to the young one he so missed and his band. He took off his sunglasses and stepped up to the cardboard figure of the pink-haired singer. He could picture the smile reserved only for himself on that piece of cardboard. He stared a moment, then got a bit angry.

"Why did you leave me?" he asked the figurine, growling softly. "You know I didn't mean it! You know it!"

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to keep your voice down." He spun to see an older man, a good two heads shorter, glaring up at him through bottle-glass spectacles.

"Cram it!" he exclaimed harshly, glaring down his nose. The man sputtered a moment, then cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses.

"I am that manager of this store, mister, and I'm going to have to ask you to either keep your voice down or leave," he said. The novelist's hands clenched into fists and he suddenly reached up before him, wiping all the Bad Luck CDs from their shelves. He ripped up all the cardboard figurines, tore down every banner, knocked over everything with the brat's face on it, threw shirts from the racks. The little man scrambled to the check-out desk, calling the police, hurriedly explaining the situation. As he waited for them to arrive, he gasped when he saw his store, hurrying over to survey the damage. The crazy man suddenly spun on him, grabbing him up by the shirt and throwing him across the floor.

_What am I doing? I should be running! The police are on their way!_ the blond thought, looking around him. He quickly devised a way to add to the damage he's already caused, ensuring he'd be put away. He didn't care if he was in an insane asylum, prison, whatever! So long as he never got out; the moment they let him out, he'd do something to put himself right back inside. So, with these thoughts in mind, he let a scream tear through him and set to destroying the entire section completely, obliterating everything he got his hands on. When he was finished, he turned and looked oddly at the store manager, then launched himself at him, knowing that if he were dangerous to people, he'd have a harsher sentence. Just as he was reaching out for the man a weight slammed into his side and he crashed to the floor, a large man on top of him. The man told him to freeze, that he was with the police - splendid!

Eiri squirmed beneath him, hollering whatever came to mind, thrashing and lashing out in every direction he could manage. He felt another weight on him, trying to supress him, so he drew his fist back and grinned satisfactorily when he heard the sickening crunch of someone's nose breaking. He tackled the other officer over, knocking him a good one as well, then threw himself to his feet and hurtled out the door of the store. Backup had been called at some point because as he dashed for the street corner, about ten police officers leapt from their cars holding guns. He searched for a way out, dashing in whichever direction kept him out of range of the large men around him, but was soon thrown to the ground, flipped on his stomach and cuffed. Of course, he got a few more good hits in beforehand and got plenty of blows in response, leaving him breathless and hurting terribly. Finally, after the police had finished their session of kicking the crap out of him, he was hauled to his feet and tossed unceremoniously into the back of a cruiser.

He was given a cell all to himself, thrown in and skidding across the floor. He sat up, wiping a bit of blood from his mouth, then groaned and pulled himself onto the bench nearby, sprawling across it tiredly. He smiled idiotically to himself as a barely audible conversation with the captain of the force confirmed that his plan had worked. Delightful! He settled himself down in as comfortable a position he could manage on a two-by-four and closed his eyes, trying his hardest to ignore the pain that ripped through him with every breath. He slipped into a dreamless slumber, moving to turn on his side, but rolling back with a soft groan when his arm protested to the pressure. He slept for the next five hours, the most sleep he'd gotten since his lover left.

He awoke to the sound of arguing nearby, much to his displeasure, and heaved his worn body from the makeshift bed. He stumbled a moment to keep upright, then just stood in the cold concrete room, listening. There was a voice that was all too familiar to him sounding from down the corridor and he could just make out the gaudy hat and fuzzy coat.

"Sir, you don't seem to understand the intensity of this problem! He has been charged with assault of business personnel, assault and battery of numerous officers, resisting arrest, destruction of property, on top of so much more. The manager of the store is pressing charges, the company above him, and about half of the policeman he attacked. Aside from this, we believe he may be mentally unstable, dangerous to others and maybe even more so to himself-"

"Yes, I understand this Oguchi-sama, but there is something you did not account for. That man in there is my brother-in-law and I'll be damned if I let you send him to prison. I will pay the company and manager the expenses owed, as well as any insurance they might want; the officers' doctors and hospital bills, plus some for their troubles; and any extra expenses there might be."

"That is very generous of you..."

"Seguchi Tohma."

"Very generous, Seguchi-san, but I simply cannot allow this. He needs help-"

"And he will get it! Perhaps you misunderstand me, Oguchi-sama. I control whether or not you keep your job, along with every man above you. You will let Eiri go and I will pay everyone what is due, or else you will be fired, do you understand me? I will even pay the government to let this go. He will stay under my surveillance until he is deemed stable enough by the best professional I can possibly hire to live on his own. Now, sign the necessary paperwork and unlock that cell!"


	3. The Deal

There was silence then and the novelist's mood plummeted. He fell to his hands and knees, slowly crawling toward the bars, stopping to reach his hand out to the image of Shuichi that played through his mind and ghosted across his vision. As he suddenly found that it nothing but an illusion, he became afraid of the walls that surrounded him, gripping the bars in front of him; they couldn't contain his soul like he had hoped they would. Not thanks to Tohma, the bastard!; chalk up one more to why he hated the man. He lowered his head, letting the tears fall down his cheeks, letting his hand slip from the cold iron they had been gripping into his lap. He couldn't do this! The whole reason he had done it all in the first place was because he couldn't deal with the outside, and now they were throwing him there. He needed his fluffball, that was all! That's all he needed and he would be fine again, but no one could make that happen.

"Shuichi," he cried softly, his shoulders shaking. "Shuichi, come back to me. Please!"

Footsteps approached, but he didn't raise his head; he knew what was going to happen. The jingle of keys filled his ears and metal scraped against metal. The click of the lock was deafening in his current state, but the voice that followed seemed to shake the entire earth.

"Come on. You're free to go." He didn't move. "Are you deaf or something? Get up!" No response.

A thick hand closed around his upper arm as Captain Oguchi hauled him to his feet and began to pull him from the cell. Yuki snapped to life, struggling and fighting to get back inside. He grabbed onto the bars, flailed and wiggled, grabbed onto anything to keep himself there. There was a shout for help and a couple more officers came racing over, latching onto him and dragging him from the second thing he most wanted.

"No!" he bellowed, holding on with every ounce of strength he had. "No! Leave me alone!" They ignored him. "Shuichi!" he screamed, clawing at the bars that were slowly moving from his reach. "Shuichi!!" There was some hurried speech he couldn't make out in his panic, then he found himself grabbing for the edges of desks and doorways as he was carried to the doors of the precint. Some inmates hollered that if he was so desperate to be with them, he should be allowed to stay, and he actually agreed with that. Abruptly, he felt himself falling. Just falling, like there was an eternity to do so. Then, his back hit the hard bottom of a government van for transporting convicts to prisons. He briefly hoped that they had changed their minds, or he had heard wrong, but a quick glance before the doors closed showed him that Tohma was watching the whole scene with a concerned look on his face.

He growled and launched himself toward the rapidly retreating space for escape, but only managed to rebound against the heavy doors. He landed again on the bottom of the vehicle, but scrambled to his feet as it began to move. He hollered and cursed, throwing himself against the walls, shaking the doors, simply going mad inside the back of the van. The driver must have heard all the ruckus he was making and finally gotten tired, because the brakes were slammed on and his head became friends with the back of the cab. Needless to say, he couldn't remember the rest of the ride.

When he awoke, he was laying on the couch of his apartment, staring up at a ceiling he'd memorized every aspect of over the last month. He slowly sat up, once again paying no attention to the pain that tried to clearly make itself known. Tohma was leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen, obviously having heard him move. He was eying the writer warily, tensed and ready to move if need be. His trusty cell phone was cradled in one hand, thumb already lightly pressed to the number pad just in case.

"Why?" Seguchi asked simply, his voice a little more strained than usual.

"Don't act like you don't know," Eiri bit off, glaring at him. The blond before him blinked a moment, his eyes betraying that he did know and was trying to coax the other into talking, then he sighed.

"I called him as soon as I was notified about what happened. I asked him to come to the precint, or meet us here afterward to at least talk to you, but he said no and hung up."

"You should have left me alone, you nosy-" He cut himself off by pressing his lips into a thin line and exhaling harshly.

"What? You wanted me to sit by and watch you be convicted for grief? Did you want to got to prison-"

"Yes!!" the author screamed, stopping him. He panted softly against all his pent up anger. "Yes! That is exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be locked away for good so that I didn't have to deal with this! If I were locked up, I... I..."

Tohma embraced his brother-in-law like he had so many years ago after the murders, letting him cry hysterically just as before. The younger man couldn't even control himself long enough to finish what he had been saying. The president of NG held him, rocking him back and forth lightly, shushing him and cooing softly. He stroked the mess of blond hair, rubbed the back of the romance novelist, did everything he could to comfort him. When the sobs quieted to shaky breaths, Yuki pushed away from him gently and cleared his throat softly. He swiped the back of his hand quickly across his face to rid it of the leftover moisture, then pulled out his dwindling pack of cigarettes, frowned at it, drew out a thin inhabitant, lit it. After a couple long puffs, he finally looked over at the shorter man.

"Why are you letting me stay here?" he asked.

"You would be unhappy at my place because I know I would have to force you there. So, I'm going to stay here for a while. When I can trust that you'll keep yourself out of trouble, then I will leave, but I will check up on you twice a day to make sure. After that, once every couple of days until I know you're okay."

There was a long, tense silence while Seguchi anticipated a refusal, followed by a heated argument and maybe another crying session.

"... Fine."

The Nittle Grasper member's eyebrows shot up in surprise and he tilted his head curiously. "Really?"

"Three conditions." His mood darkened. "One, you can do whatever you please except remodel my apartment without permission, touch anything in my study - don't even set foot in it - or nag at me like a married woman. Two, don't say anything about my smoking or drinking, don't ever wake me up, and don't bother when I'm working or about my work. Third and final-" The keyboardist fidgeted a little, happy so far with the conditions, but dreading this last one. "-you have to take care of all the grocery shopping, meals, laundry, cleaning, etcetera. Got it?"

Tohma grinned widely, an expression he reserved only for his closest friends and family, and one that was rarely seen. "Absolutely, Eiri."


	4. The Betrayal

The next couple of weeks were like a roller coaster, some days better than others, but all of them better than before. Yuki had to admit that having his brother-in-law around wasn't as bad as he had thought it would be. The man mostly kept to himself, was great at all the household chores, comforting when needed, and - above all - quiet. All the rules were followed and after a while of just sitting around doing nothing, Uesugi actually got around to writing again. He was able to get chapters at a time finished, giving them to Tohma to take to his editor, where he would take notes on what she said and return later with them. Most of the time, his editor was quite happy with what was written and had absolutely no qualms at all about printing as is.

The writer was still a little depressed and often thought of his pink-haired brat. He was always battling for happiness now that his baka was gone, and he was always the first to fall in that battle. He wanted to know what it was like to win over all the obstacles that stood in his way. He wished he knew what he could do to make up for all the wrongs he done to Shuichi, wanted to learn how to treat him right so he could show him the man he was inside. He dreamed of his little one coming back to him and saying he needed him, saying those three words he missed so much, to pull him from this abyss he'd fallen into. His nightmares revolved around it all and he rarely got the amount of sleep he required, ending up taking naps in the middle of the day or dozing off while working or watching TV. Once, he'd even fallen asleep during a meal and woke two seconds later with spaghetti sauce covering his face and bangs, Seguchi laughing hysterically next to him. He had tried so hard to be mad, but the lack of happiness and the laughter that filled the apartment was all it took to get him chuckling. It took a good long while to calm down, he was so deprived of the feeling, and when he did his newfound roommate helped him clean off.

One day, Tohma and Yuki were lounging around on the sofa, watching TV intently. The president of NG had gotten his brother-in-law hooked on a soap opera, though he liked it for an entirely different reason. The novelist watched it to criticize, picking out the so-wouldn't-happen moments and using the overall plotline to help him with his books. He realized by watching that there were some things he wrote that were just terrible! So, every day at three o' clock, the two blonds would gather some snack or another and sit down to watch the show. Eiri's phone rang just as a commercial played and they both smirked a little at the perfect timing, but neither got up to answer. The answering machine picked up and they heard the newly recorded message that had so desperately needed to be changed - it had been Shuichi's voice before and driven Yuki up a wall every time it played - then Ryuichi's happy voice played through the room.

"Ne, Shuichi! Where are you, na no da? Kumagoro misses you! We want you to come color!! I haven't seen you in a loooooong time and Kumagoro's worried, na no da. Did you and Yuki-san have a fight?" He gasped loudly. "I hope not! Well, Kumagoro's gonna try your cell phone. Bye!"

After a moment, the machine beeped and a little light flashed to say there was a new message. The two men said nothing as they sat there, the TV completely forgotten. It seemed like an eternity before Tohma excused himself to the kitchen, saying, "I'm gonna go get some more juice. Do you want anything?" He was answered with a shake of the head, so he trailed into the kitchen, letting the door swing closed behind him.

The writer sat there a long while, Ryuichi's words playing through his head like a broken record. _Did you and Yuki-san have a fight? Did you and Yuki-san have a fight? Did you and Yuki... _He forced himself to stop the flow of the words, sighing softly to himself. He'd been having a fairly good day up until that. It made everything rush back to him in a wave of despair and now he just wanted to drink himself into a coma. In fact, that was exactly what he planned on doing, he'd just have to wait a while so he didn't walk in after his sister's husband sat down and seem like a jerk for not accepting the offer to have something brought to him. Speaking of which, where was the man? He strained his ears to find some sign of what Seguchi might be doing in the kitchen - it was taking too long to simply be getting juice - and he heard whispering. He stood slowly and crept toward the door, standing near enough to hear but far enough to bolt away and make some kind of excuse.

"Yes, Shindou-san, I know, but- ... Yes, I understand. I can't keep making excuses for you, though, Shindou-san," he heard. "You're just going to have to call him and tell him something yourself... What you tell him is your business and I'll go along with it if it comes up in conversation... Yes. Yes. Well, it's just that aside from me not being able to help much more than I have, Ryuichi-sama has called several times and I had to erase the messages and caller ID before Yuki-san found out. You should have seen the look on his face just now when he heard it. He was okay before that, but now he seems so sad... Yes, I'm sorry. All right. All right. Goodbye."

Yuki made no effort to move away from the door when he heard footsteps moving toward it, didn't even avert his eyes when Tohma opened the door and stared at him in surprise. The man smiled at him, but it wasn't the genuine one he'd been getting as of late, it was the business smile, the polite I'm-hiding-something-and-so-not-gonna-tell-you smile.

"Who was that?" the author asked, wanting to make the man say it to his face. _He's been talking to Shuichi behind my back! Keeping him updated, damn it!_

"Oh, that was K-sama. He wanted to ask me about a few things dealing with the promotion of the company and where he stood in the decisions to be made." The lie slid from his tongue so easily it made Eiri sick. He narrowed his eyes at him, wanting to say something, but not yet knowing exactly what he wanted to say; did he want to just confront him, or did he want to make him say it somehow? "I have some errands I need to run for one of my superiors, then I'll stop by the grocery store. I'll be back as soon as I can, all right?" He didn't even wait for an answer as he slipped into his shoes, pulled on his furry coat and hat, and made his way out the door.

Growling, Yuki stormed into the kitchen and grabbed himself a beer, sitting down at the counter, popped it open and chugged it down. He returned for a second and finished it in record time, getting up for another too many times to count until he was too drunk to stand straight. He grabbed himself a last one and headed through the bedroom to take a long bath and try to relax as best he could. He stumbled through the rooms, almost falling several times as he stripped down and turned on the water. Once it was warm enough, he plugged the drain, and once it was filled, he got in. He leaned back against the edge of the tub, stretching out, and opened the last beer he wanted for the day. He sipped at this one, taking his time and savoring the tart taste of it. His hazy mind revolved around all the bad things that had happened lately and how that stupid Sakuma had reminded him of it. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he truly no longer wanted to live.

"I have nothing left," he murmured drunkly. "I lost it all when I lost Shuichi."

He finished off the bottle of beer, the numbness of his drunken state slowly sweeping over him and he pushed himself down beneath the water. At first it hurt when he breathed in the water and coughed it back up, only to breathe in more, but after a moment he felt like he was floating. It seemed as if all his troubles had left him and the only thing that mattered was now, seeing the room through the water that rippled a bit above him. He felt deliciously free and finally closed his eyes to the welcomed blackness that tugged at him.


	5. The Interlude

"Hello" Ryuichi poked his head in the door and looked around a moment. "Anyone home, na no da?" There was no answer, so he stepped inside, leaving the door open behind him and slipped out of his shoes. He searched through the apartment, occasionally calling out, and finally made his way back to the bedroom. He heard something clink from behind a door inside the room and slowly made his way over, seeing light filtering from beneath the door.

"Oi, Shuichi! Are you taking a bath? You don't mind if Kumagoro and I come in, do you, na no da?" Without waiting for an answer, he opened the door and stepped inside, grinning idiotically. As silence reached his ears, he opened his eyes and blinked, looking around. An empty beer bottle lay on the floor next to the tub, tipped over; he knew that was what he must have heard. There was something in the bathtub that caught his eye and he slowly stepped forward.

"Yuki-san?" he called softly, seeing the blond man beneath the water. He waited a long moment, thinking maybe he was just dipping beneath the water and couldn't hear him at that moment. "Yuki-san, it's time to come up now. Kumagoro says that if you stay underwater too long you'll get hungry!" He stared for a while, then became a bit fearful. "Kumagoro, see if he's okay!" He thrust the bunny toward the tub and held him there, his head turned away and eyes closed tightly. Slowly, he turned back and put his bunny on his head, stepping nearer. Abruptly, he pushed his arms through the warm water and grabbed onto Eiri, pulling him up as quickly as he could and hauling him from the tub onto the floor. He unconsciously threw a towel over the man's waist, then checked for a pulse or breathing, any sign of life. He found none.

"Kumagoro, call 119!" he commanded, pushing his phone at the plush toy. He paused, mentally berating himself for his stupidity - he couldn't handle these kinds of situations - and grabbed the phone, dialing the number and putting it on speakerphone as he began CPR on the novelist.


	6. The Second Attempt

The golden gates towered before him. Golden eyes scanned the area. He stood there for what seemed like hours, then slowly stepped forward and gently pushed his hand against one large gate. It opened a little under the pressure and suddenly he found himself dressed in white robes, large wings sprouting from his back, and he had no doubt that a halo floated above his crown of blond hair.

"So this is what heaven is like, huh?" he muttered in disbelief. He pushed against the gate once more, but for some reason it wouldn't open for him. His brow furrowed and he pushed harder, soon leaning all his weight against it. A gust of wind pushed him backward and he felt the wings on his back being torn and broken, making him cry out in pain. He felt himself falling, could see the gates slowly getting smaller as he fell further. Suddenly, an image of a pink-haired young man was before him. Where did he know this person from? As it came rushing back to him, he felt himself hit the ground.

Yuki jerked awake, panting softly and looking around with wide eyes. White walls surrounded him, an unfamiliar ceiling. He was laying in a bed not his own and he could hear the beep of machines around him, could feel the needles and wires connected to him. As he pulled the breathing mask from his face, a nurse and doctor came into the room and the doctor smiled at him.

"Good to have you back among the living, Uesugi-san," he said. The writer immediately hated him for those words. "You're a pretty lucky man, I'd say."

"Oh really? And why is that?" the blond sneered, getting a surprised look from the doctor.

"Why, because Sakuma-san found you passed out in the tub and pulled you out. He performed CPR until the medics arrived. He saved your life!"

"Not saved."

"What?"

"I said, he didn't save me! He cursed me."

The doctor looked at him curiously for a moment, then let it go. He checked all the machines, disconnecting a few of the wires and needles that were no longer needed, though he left the IV and a clamp on the man's finger that tracked his pulse.

"You'll need to stay here for a couple days so we can make sure you're all right. I'll let Seguchi-san in to see you now," he said, leaving. A brief moment later Tohma rushed in, slamming the door shut behind him and storming over to the bed.

"I know you did that on purpose! You tried to drown yourself!" he hissed furiously.

"And if I did?" Eiri asked calmly. The president of NG floundered for a moment, unable to come up with a response.

"So you don't deny it."

"No. Why bother?"

"... I'm going to make sure that they keep you here under suicide watch for a while and when they can't keep you here any longer, you will come to my house where you will be kept under observation 24/7."

"The only place I'm going is to hell," the author told him, looking at him with a deadly glare.

"We'll see," his brother-in-law said, still angry. He turned and took off out of the room.

"Yes, we will," the romance novelist agreed softly. He pushed himself from the bed, noticing now that he had been speaking a while that his chest was burning. He dragged the IV stand along with him and moved to the door, locking it. He quickly pulled on the clothes he'd been brought here in, which were sitting on the table, refusing to do this in the hospital gown he was wearing; the press would have too much fun with that. He then pulled the clamp from his finger and bit his lip as he pulled the IV from his arm, ignoring the pain as best he could. He moved to the window, looking out over the city, and stared at the horizon. They had stopped him from dying once, but he had been drunk and careless, leaving a small chance that he could be saved. But not this time, no, he would make sure he was beyond help. He could hear the commotion already beginning outside his room, heard someone jiggling the knob and saying something, but it was muffled. He slid the window sideways to open it and pulled himself up and out; he once more looked over the town which held no love for him within its walls.

"Security to the eighteenth floor, room 06," someone said from outside. They repeated it a couple more times and began messing with the lock.

"So, that's the ledge I'm standing on," he murmured to himself. He squeezed his eyes shut as tears threatened them and shouted his missing lover's name, wishing that somehow the boy would come to him as he called; that was all he needed to live, but he hadn't come before when Tohma had called him from the police station, so why would he now? The door burst open and he heard people yelling at him, but he was beyond the point of understanding their language. He leaned forward and could feel himself falling, falling toward the sidewalk below; it would be gruesome, but it's not like he would be around to witness it.


	7. The Save

A pair of arms wrapped around his waist just as he was about to totally leave the ledge and he felt himself pulled backward, his eyes widening in surprise. He crashed against someone, then hit the floor, grunting at the impact. Who was so intent on keeping him alive? Fast enough to pull him from the brink of death a second time? It couldn't have been Seguchi, he had gone to talk to whoever was in charge. The novelist groaned as he pushed himself up, putting one hand to his aching head, and looked over to the person that had grabbed him. He blinked rapidly.

There was a familiar mop of strawberry hair just inches from his face and the head tilted up to reveal amythest eyes filled with tears. It became hard to breathe as his chest tightened from the look he was receiving, it was even worse than the one he'd seen before his little one left. His thoughts from days before came rushing back to him. He had battled for happiness and was always the first to fall, even now. He was now more determined than ever to find out how he could turn all his wrongs to rights for his brat. He would show him who he could be with that information, so long as he would stay now. And suddenly he was desperate to hear those three words that meant so much to him, silently begged him to say it to him - no, _for_ him - and then he would be saved from this pain. He could feel himself falling into his depression again, and he was scared.

"Yuki..." Eiri looked over at Shuichi now, pulled from his musings by that angelic voice. There was an abrupt stinging sensation in his left cheek and he found his head snapped to the side, staring at the wall. He blinked and turned back, putting a hand to his face where he'd just been slapped. He stuttered, trying to think of something to say; why had he done that? "That's for hurting me and for trying to kill yourself!" He lowered his head, then a hand moved to tilt his face up and soft lips pressed insistently against his. "And that's to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for staying away for so long, for hurting you like I did, for not coming when you were put in jail, and for not getting here sooner."

"Come back to me!" the man begged softly, scooping up the singer he'd missed so much. "_I'm_ sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did! I was waiting for you to come home so I could make it up to you. Don't apologize to me anymore, just come home. All I need is you and I'll be all right. Please, Shuichi, I'm calling, I'm begging! My heart is screaming for you." Tears slipped down his face as he held the pink-haired boy tightly to his chest. "Answer me, please. Don't keep me waiting any longer. I'm falling into darkness without you, falling into nothing, falling into... into..." He couldn't even think of anything else, he was so upset.

"Eiri," Shindou said softly, the name making his head snap up. He'd never been called that by the kid before. "Of course I'll come home to you. I've missed you so much! I love you." Lips pressed against his once more, almost fervently this time, and he knew everything would be okay. He pulled away gently after a long moment.

"I want to know what it's like to stand at the end of my battles with my emotions. Teach me what to do and what not to do so I can show you how I am inside. Just tell me you love me, I just need to hear it, and I'll leave everything in the past where it belongs. If you really want to save me, tell me you love me," he said, his thumb stroking the cheek he cupped in his hand, the other hand running through strawberry hair. His golden eyes searched the violet ones before him, promising everything he could give.

"I love you, Eiri," his brat said once more, and his heart soared.

"I love you, too, baka," he muttered, kissing the kid's forehead. Shuichi grinned and leapt from his lap, leaning down to take his hand and pull him up. He was already dragging him along before he'd gained his balance.

"Wait a minute-" A security guard moved forward, but an arm shot out in front of him. He followed it back to his owner, staring in disbelief at the president of NG; he was stopping him when he was the very man who had just requested that the author be kept there on suicide watch!

"Let them go," Tohma murmured.

"But-"

"He'll be fine now. He's got all he needs to live."

Yuki looked over at his brother-in-law as he passed and gave him a small smile. His black list for the man had just been burned; he knew it was the other blond who had called his love and told him about what happened, the reason why the brat was here, the reason he himself was still here. Uesugi Eiri looked back to Shindou Shuichi and he knew that he was falling... falling in love all over again.


End file.
